It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
