Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
