I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
