I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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