I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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