I just threw up on my dentist
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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