another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
