yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
