oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
