Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
