I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
that may or may not have been my penis.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
