Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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