Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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