I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
