I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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