Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i believe in u and ur pee
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
