And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
