He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
