If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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