Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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