I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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