Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
