I want to walk on stilts...naked
Someone shit on the floor
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
