I never want to see another naked old woman again.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
