I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
