i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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