he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
