moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
