bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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