i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
