you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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