Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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