I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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