marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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