your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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