So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize