I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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