His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
