Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
