I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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