Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
