I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize