just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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