So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
