Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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