i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
His nipple licking is glorious
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