she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
