He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
