If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
