This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
