he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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