i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
