she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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