i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She needs sedatives and a leash
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
