i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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