I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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