I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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