At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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