Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
