Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
